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The First Day
Along the winding road, a brief respite before your final destination. Under the shade of a sycamore, you sit and reflect on the events of the past fifteen years. Plague, blight, fire, complete eradication. That was the fate of your hometown, and many others throughout Oerum. What followed was what was known as the Mysogynaic Culling.
About fifteen years ago, the wretches roamed the land, using the power bestowed upon them by Giratina to bring destruction along their path. These women used daemonic powers such as pyrokinesis, hypnosis, seduction, levitation etc. to infiltrate established populations and sow seeds of discontent between inhabitants by stressing relationships between previously neutral parties. Tactics such as scapegoating and gaslighting were used to isolate, alienate and radialize locals. All of this was meaningless fun to the wretches, as they normally torched and leveled towns.
When you were a teenager, your hometown of Jamzo lost half its population from the wretches convincing its people that it was a good idea to masturbate using corrosives as lubricant, citing extreme pleasure. However, this led to severe bleeding and infection on a level that was not able to be controlled. Afterward, Jamzo was burned to the ground. You managed to escape the chaos by pure chance, being in the next town over to fetch more corrosive lubricant that, for some reason, was still in demand.
You recall the beginning of the Mysogynaic Culling. It only started about 3 years ago, with Emporer Wonlo declaring a war against the wretches. Since the wretches are fundamentally unable to form meaningful, monogamous relationships due to their nature, a sweeping policy was enacted to report any unmarried woman above the age of 16 to be killed by hanging.
This gruesome policy had stemmed the tide, but had a severe unintended consequence. Nuns, who were traditionally women, and single to boot, were often targeted as easy prey to meet bounties set forth by the empire. This caused local Convents to all but disappear.
You joined the Church around the time of the Culling’s beginning. In the three years since, you managed to avoid any issues relating to the empire’s policy. You even have a fabricated spouse that no one seems to question. You quickly climbed the ranks and was asked to lead a new type of Convent decreed by Pope Diaglo VI.
After this extended break, you continue on your way to meet with Father Iyo and Sister Makoto, who are eagerly waiting for your arrival.
Since arriving at the Abbey, your life immediately devolved into chaos. You had no idea the popularity of the idea of male nuns would take off the way it did. You spend most of the day sifting through applications of various dubious characters. You rub your temples in frustration. If only there was an easier way to find what the Church was looking for.
“There is!” A voice rings out. Sister Makoto appears behind you, with a soft smile. He approaches you and puts his hand gently on your shoulder. His large hand easily cups the entirety of your shoulder, and you can feel the warmth permeating from his skin through to your own. “There is a little prayer that is taught to us to use in times of indecision. I believe this will help you.”
Sister Makoto walks to the center of the room and takes off his Cross from his neck. He bends down on one knee, gripping the Cross in his hand. He then recites the following:
Arceus, maker of all,
you adorn all creation
with splendor and beauty,
and fashion human lives
in your image and likeness.
Awaken!
Well, nothing happened. Sister Makoto looks at you and laughs. “What did you expect to happen? I was just showing you what you’re supposed to do. Only you have the power.”
Sister Makoto leaves the room and you continue to sift through the papers. You recall your conversation with the Pope when this program started.
“My child, who has suffered the wrath of the wretches, you must carry out the Lord’s will. He who art in the Celestial, this message I relay to you:
‘Seek they who cannot be swayed by the wretches.
Of male form, high in conviction.
Homoesexual.
Go forth, my children, defeat the scourge which plague these lands.’"
You let out another sigh. Why was it so difficult to find a Homosexual Religious Man? In an act of desperation, you reflect on what Sister Makoto had shown you. You are desperate at this point to have any direction.
You kneel in the center of the room, struggling to remember the words. When you finally get it just right,
Arceus, maker of all,
you adorn all creation
with splendor and beauty,
and fashion human lives
in your image and likeness.
Awaken!
You immediately pass out and receive a vision of a door in the darkness. A door to the Celestial. You look down at the Cross in your hand, it starts to glow. A low rumbling permeates the liminal space. The doors slowly crack open, and you are blinded by light. You come back to reality after the vision, and suddenly a knock at the door. A face smiles back at you.
“Hi, my name is [whoever you pulled] I would like to join the Convent.”
Father Iyo, a master strategist, devised a system of optimized team building to prepare for the upcoming conflict. Since the wretches had predictable personalities, it did not take much to think of ways to exploit their insecurities. Each locale will be assigned to a subdivision dictated by various synergies, composed of three nuns:
Looker - A distantly beautiful and cute nun to take attention of the wretches with high mental fortitude in order to resist their allure while inflicting mental damage from being completely ignored.
Yapper - A loudmouth who has the ability to encourage their allies while simultaneously being a general nuisance to everyone else.
Murderer - A violent nun to physically kill the wretches.
With this Holy Trinity, victory was assured. This new generation of nun was adapted beautifully to the goal: Defeating the wretches. They were immune to their typical subversive tactics due to being overwhelmingly uninterested in, or in some cases oblivious, to the subtext. In fact, some of these new nuns were so incompatible with the wretches that it drove the wretches to depression, effectively taking them out of the war. It seems the tides had started to turn against the wretches thanks to your Convent. Throughout the Oerum Empire, your Convent was slowly but surely liberating the realm from this scourge.
—
Meanwhile, Matriarch Mercedes of the Musty Wretch sits upon her throne, unbothered. The lady of Giratina herself. A beautiful young woman, no doubt gained through treachery. Her ash grey hair sprawls across the seat as she lounges, with a muted pink streak flowing down the left side of her face. She looks off into the distance, yawns. She barks an order across the expansive room. She has her sexy, large breasted servants bring her the abacus and papyrus. She smirks, which turns into maniacal laughter. She had already devised countermeasures to deal with the drabble.
Matriarch Mercedes takes to the front lines, leading the way for the counterattack. She rides into battle on a pearl white Archimedes mechanical chariot, as deserving of one such as her. It is led by two shiny Tauros.
Her newly hatched plan was simple. Provide the men what they wanted - men of her own. These new men were manufactured to exploit the nuns’ greatest strength and turn it into their greatest weakness. They were made for gay sex.
She had prepared all kinds of men. There were men who were muscular, men who were skin and bones, men who looked angry, men who looked disappointed. A man for every occasion. They were equipped with corrosive lubricants in preparation to seduce and eventually penetrate the nuns. Either way, top or bottom, side to side, that lubricant would find its way onto the nuns somehow.
Her army had tested this at the Battle of Flomm, where the Convent had lost valiant warriors Peter, James and John, who had fallen victim to the seduction of the new weaponized homosexuals. Battle after battle, the Convent started to hemorrhage members on the front lines.
The overwhelming advantage the Church had over the wretches has disappeared. There is a large hit to the morale of the Convent. Grief permeates the air as their numbers dwindle down to the select few. The remaining few mourn the death of their comrades - their lovers. Despair has gripped their souls. Perhaps we have made the wrong decision, maybe men were not the answer.
The outlook is grim. You seek guidance in prayer.
“Arceus, my guardian dear,
To whom you love
commits me here,
Ever this day,
be at my side,
To light and guard,
Rule and guide.
Amen.”
You receive a reply.
“My child, heed mine words. The wretches shall bow under the might of Homoesexuality. Embrace the seeds. You know what must be done.”
The reassurance is all it takes to reinvigorate your heart. The weariness fades as you explain the plan to Father Iyo, Sister Makoto, and the remaining members of the Convent. They have their reservations, but the situation is desperate. They were losing this war. Something had to be done.
“We must embrace the seeds.”
The seeds (cum) was the key. Throughout history, it was seen as improper to ingest the seed of another man, and as such coitus had been relegated to the nether regions as opposed to fellatio, therefore there was no record of any health benefits that survived - especially unknown are its effects on male bodies. As it turns out, it was exactly what was needed. It provided a large boost to all bodily functions, including strength, stamina, and more importantly, it caused the body to produce its own bodily fluids that neutralized the corrosive lubricant on contact.
Extracting the seed (cum) was a painless process. In fact, it was an extremely pleasurable one. It was most potent when ingested as close to its source as possible, as the metabolic process in the gut begets exponentially higher potency with freshness.
With this novel discovery, the final clash with the wretches was upon us.
—
The battlefield was a sight to behold, if not in amazement then bewilderment. The nuns, after being beaten down in previous engagements, started to take decisive victory after decisive victory throughout the front. After every fight, to recharge, our heroes start to partake in some kind of fellationistic orgy. They take turns sucking on each other’s penises until they climax and become reinvigorated, as if it were an endless cycle of power. To facilitate efficiency, the nuns were permitted to fight with only their necklaces.
—
Moving at lightning pace, the nuns rush down the rout of the wretches. In the chaos, Matriarch Mercedes’s Tauros flee, flinging her to the ground. She roars at her retreating subjects.
“Get back here! Don’t leave me here! I am your queen!” She looks back at you. “Hehe, hi…”
You have your nuns restrain the fallen queen and take her back to Poah Abbey. The victory was secured, and it was finally time to go home.
